Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
