I hate your face
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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