My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We need to get me chipped asap
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
