She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
