so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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