he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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