so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
