All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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