i can't believe i had my finger in that
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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