Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
