I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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