And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
