hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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