Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
