benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
