im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
