I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
