i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
