angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
