Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
