Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
