There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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