Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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