and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
