Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
