new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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