WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
