she looked like the bat from fern gully.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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