I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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