i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Even my vagina gasped.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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