We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize