Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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