Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
