I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
