worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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