Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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