I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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