He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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