It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
