I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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