how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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