I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
