woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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