Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
