farters have to be the big spoon...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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