just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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