I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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