They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
