Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
