THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
