Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
