i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
