three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
