Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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