Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
