are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
