Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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