I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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