i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
