she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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