Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My feet surprised me
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