Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
