if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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