Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
