How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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